Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Bring me that man meat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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