If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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