So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
