lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
