Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
