Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
