Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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