Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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