I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
