Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
