I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
