he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
