Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
home. puking in laundry basket.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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