genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
