I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
