All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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