i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
