I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he laminated a picture of his dick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
