just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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