I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
