You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
