I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
