the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
