We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
