I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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