Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think my mom watched the whole time
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
