I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
