did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
