im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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