This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He did a backflip because drugs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
