pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
