I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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