look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
