Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
