I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
