I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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