Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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