omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
