I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
