Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
