apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
