so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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