I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
