does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
