yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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