worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
