I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he puts the penis in happiness.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
