Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
