he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
