Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
