I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Actions speak louder than pants.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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